So, I'm off this crazy medication, ya? And I'm getting this crazing shocking side affect (that is making me dizzy and giving me headaches too now, just so my vast audience knows), ya? Well, I've been weepy for the last two days too. Not only that, but I've been flushing all the time again. I thought I was over that.
It's crazy how on guard I have to be against my anxiety. I feel like tripping up would be so easy right now. I could fall right back into old habits. One of my friends hasn't said hello to me in the ways I want for two days. I had to have a pow-wow (ha and you thought I could spell!) with my husband. "Honey, I ask people how they were doing either. She can't read my mind and realize how difficult the last week has been for me. With all that is going on in her life, she's got to be overwhelmed as it is. I need to trust the friendship."
I am admitting to you, I am not very good at that. I am the type of person that would prefer to scratch the friendship instead of going though the hard time. I would rather start over than risk being rejected. I can be so selfish, that I will reject the friendship and the friend first, before they can reject me. It's like what happened last night. If I don't have my ducks all in a row with a friendship, I start complaining about the friend and reject them in my mind so I don't have to get hurt.
But, I'm battling my anxiety! I will not give in anymore. I'm going to let my friendships ebb and flow and let the hard times come. Normally, I might write this person an email in order to fix things right away. Today, I am going to wait until I see her later this week, and just tell her I was struggling with selfishness this week and leave the details out. Why leave the details out, you ask? Because I'm not going to burden her with solving my problem. Me and my God can solve it (with help from my husband and a little blogging therapy), and I'm just going to keep being her friend and not sabotage it.
Ha, my pathetic attempts to be normal.
It's crazy how on guard I have to be against my anxiety. I feel like tripping up would be so easy right now. I could fall right back into old habits. One of my friends hasn't said hello to me in the ways I want for two days. I had to have a pow-wow (ha and you thought I could spell!) with my husband. "Honey, I ask people how they were doing either. She can't read my mind and realize how difficult the last week has been for me. With all that is going on in her life, she's got to be overwhelmed as it is. I need to trust the friendship."
I am admitting to you, I am not very good at that. I am the type of person that would prefer to scratch the friendship instead of going though the hard time. I would rather start over than risk being rejected. I can be so selfish, that I will reject the friendship and the friend first, before they can reject me. It's like what happened last night. If I don't have my ducks all in a row with a friendship, I start complaining about the friend and reject them in my mind so I don't have to get hurt.
But, I'm battling my anxiety! I will not give in anymore. I'm going to let my friendships ebb and flow and let the hard times come. Normally, I might write this person an email in order to fix things right away. Today, I am going to wait until I see her later this week, and just tell her I was struggling with selfishness this week and leave the details out. Why leave the details out, you ask? Because I'm not going to burden her with solving my problem. Me and my God can solve it (with help from my husband and a little blogging therapy), and I'm just going to keep being her friend and not sabotage it.
Ha, my pathetic attempts to be normal.
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