Ah, my first post strikes me as still very true. I am still very boring. :-)
When I get to the end of my life, I want to look back and say I've proud of my life. Part of me wants to make money and contribute financially to the home so I can feel more valuable. However, since God has chosen to bless us with enough and making money has never been my husband and my goal, I want my contribution in life (for now) to be something I am talented in and is a contribution to others weather it makes money or not. I wish I could say that if it doesn't make money I will still feel as valuable, but somewhere deep inside, I feel like I have less value if I'm not making money. I don't want to feel that way.
It is a very awkward time to be thinking about what I want to do with my life. Or what I want to do with my time right now. According to doctors orders I am to rest with my feet up for most of the day until the baby is born (although she did say I can go out a couple times a week as long as it is not for long). And once the baby is born? Well now, I'm sure I'll have lots of time to put a plan in action with a new born... sigh.
One thing I've noticed is that there are a few amazing people contributing and helping others where they are gifted where ever they are in life. There is one friend who has contributed to my life in the past few weeks in ways I have not been surprised by, but incredibly blessed by. I feel ridiculous asking for help just because the doctor has ordered rest, but this friend helped me to feel less ridiculous has made me two meals and visited me a couple times. The way she contributes to others lives, not just mine, is a real inspiration to me.
I don't want to be a person who talks big does little. I don't want to be a person who spends more time on myself and my world than on others and their world. I don't want to be a person who seeks to have a big savings account, the stylish clothes, comfortable furniture, nice bedding sets, a beautiful guest room, every baby item I think I might need, all the books I can read, all the movies I can watch, and go on as many vacations as I can. Being honest, I want these things, but I don't want them to be or seem to others to be my goals in life.
When people judge me (I would be a fool if I didn't recognize this reality in the world- I just don't want to make others opinions more important than the opinions that matters), what do they see? Someone who thinks a lot of them self? Or someone who has more important motivation in their life. It's not the words that make that differential. It's not what I say I should do that shows if I really care about contributing. It's actually doing, and I don't feel like I'm doing all I can do right now, that is for sure.
But what should I actually be doing? What do I do with this time I am "resting"? When I have a new born, how can I still contribute then? I'm not looking for advise. I have lots of ideas, but I want to find the right fit for me. I also do not want to take away time from the baby that I should not be giving away. I know I will have to look for the right balance.
Alright. I haven't actually told you any of my ideas. Let me think a bit more, and we will see if I share next time. Who knows when that will be.
When I get to the end of my life, I want to look back and say I've proud of my life. Part of me wants to make money and contribute financially to the home so I can feel more valuable. However, since God has chosen to bless us with enough and making money has never been my husband and my goal, I want my contribution in life (for now) to be something I am talented in and is a contribution to others weather it makes money or not. I wish I could say that if it doesn't make money I will still feel as valuable, but somewhere deep inside, I feel like I have less value if I'm not making money. I don't want to feel that way.
It is a very awkward time to be thinking about what I want to do with my life. Or what I want to do with my time right now. According to doctors orders I am to rest with my feet up for most of the day until the baby is born (although she did say I can go out a couple times a week as long as it is not for long). And once the baby is born? Well now, I'm sure I'll have lots of time to put a plan in action with a new born... sigh.
One thing I've noticed is that there are a few amazing people contributing and helping others where they are gifted where ever they are in life. There is one friend who has contributed to my life in the past few weeks in ways I have not been surprised by, but incredibly blessed by. I feel ridiculous asking for help just because the doctor has ordered rest, but this friend helped me to feel less ridiculous has made me two meals and visited me a couple times. The way she contributes to others lives, not just mine, is a real inspiration to me.
I don't want to be a person who talks big does little. I don't want to be a person who spends more time on myself and my world than on others and their world. I don't want to be a person who seeks to have a big savings account, the stylish clothes, comfortable furniture, nice bedding sets, a beautiful guest room, every baby item I think I might need, all the books I can read, all the movies I can watch, and go on as many vacations as I can. Being honest, I want these things, but I don't want them to be or seem to others to be my goals in life.
When people judge me (I would be a fool if I didn't recognize this reality in the world- I just don't want to make others opinions more important than the opinions that matters), what do they see? Someone who thinks a lot of them self? Or someone who has more important motivation in their life. It's not the words that make that differential. It's not what I say I should do that shows if I really care about contributing. It's actually doing, and I don't feel like I'm doing all I can do right now, that is for sure.
But what should I actually be doing? What do I do with this time I am "resting"? When I have a new born, how can I still contribute then? I'm not looking for advise. I have lots of ideas, but I want to find the right fit for me. I also do not want to take away time from the baby that I should not be giving away. I know I will have to look for the right balance.
Alright. I haven't actually told you any of my ideas. Let me think a bit more, and we will see if I share next time. Who knows when that will be.
