Transitioning "home"

I love Big Timber.  We are related to basically everyone in town though.  That could get a bit sticky for my boy in the future.  Everyone is friendly.  It feels nice to be in a community that seems to really care, or at least they care because they know a reputation can be hurt much more easily (or quickly) in a small town.

We go to a Bible preaching church, which happens to be the same one that my Pop's employees go to.  We don't know if they feel awkward that we are there.  I suppose they do, but that's where we are for now, and we think it might be the right fit for us.  I talked with my husband and we talked about how we are Christians first, and Pop's so and daughter-in-law after that.  I think if we give it time, it will work itself out.

I miss my church in Qatar though.  The tight community, my friends, lunch after church every week...  It was a huge church, but never felt like one until the end when we moved to church city.  How are they doing?  I miss them, I want to cry, but I still haven't.  My dear sweet sisters-in-Christ.  How I miss you.  I am so glad we will see each other again in heaven.

I met a lady in the grocery store next town over that was a in Zimbabwe for a number of years.  She said we could get together for coffee.  I think I might have to find her when we get back from the wedding.  I feel in need of a connection to expat life.  Another woman here said we could talk if I ever felt like the one person in Big Timber who wasn't from here.  I get that, but I don't mind it at all yet.

I do feel alone though.  I miss the close friendships, and I know it will take time before I have that again.  God will provide, but I miss my dear sweet friends.  I'm glad I have my work for my Pop.  It gives me some outside purpose other than myself.  I can focus completely on someone else when I am working for him.  It feels good to do that.

I am also visiting at the assisted living here in town.  I love that!  I feel like my boys smiles are a gift to them, and again being able to focus on others is a gift to me.  It is not good for one's world to be too small.  Better to think of others.

I need to remember that in my marriage too!  I feel so selfish sometimes, trying to find time to cook or read or run errands.  I know it isn't, but when I am asking my husband to give up free time, I feel like I need to have a good reason.

So, life is good.

Are you out there?  Are you reading this?  How is your transition home?  Wherever home is?

My boy woke up from his nap.  Better wrap this up.  

We got to Montana after driving for three days on bad roads.  It has never taken that long before.  But we got here and moved into our little Big Timber Villa.  I got to see my pregnant-with-twins sister-in-law.  So wonderful.  And I am so excited for her baby shower!

The next day we went down to Pop's ranch.  We got colded in.  Yeah.  It was so cold our car was over heating.  Figure that one out.  The next morning I went out to the hot tub to watch the sunrise in -32 degree weather.  Amazing.

How many people can you fit in a Qatari SUV?

http://dohanews.co/baby-leopard-attacks-boy-at-circus-outside-of-hyatt-plaza/

The latest story in people getting hurt in Doha because of lack of sufficient for thought.  Taking pictures with leopards does sound like a risk, but I don't know what the correct precautions should have been. While in Qatar, labor workers often paid the price of insufficient for thought.  Construction workers forced to work in heat that could kill, in conditions they could not control.  Often they can't even quit their job and go home because their passports were confiscated by their company or their wages were never paid this they have no funds to return home.  The human rights abuses were numerous, but perhaps that subject is for another day.  (Though I should mention I was afraid to ever post such a thing while in Qatar for fear my husband and I would be deported)

Do you remeber he thirteen children who died in a fire in the Villagio mall a couple years ago.  If only fire codes were enforced more strictly.  I am encouraged that it is getting better, but that never should have happened!  It still makes me sick!  At least an hour after the fire had started people were still leaving.  If ant even say evacuating as I picked up a visiting family member from the mall at least an hour later.  The family member had looked around for opa while before mosing out.  There was NO indication there was any danger.  Not even the security that were there rushed people out.  People were still being served their meals at resturants as children died trapped in the upstairs nursery.  Waiter and waitresses said it was nothing.  If I wasn't so furious at the insanity, I would vomit!

More than once I saw children standing in cars.  Children and maids crouding a trunk.  I will try to find the picture that I took when I counted at least eight children in the trunk in the SUV ahead of me.  The law only requires seat belts in the front seat.  Car seats are not even required for infants.  Do I need to tell you how many fatalities from car accidents there are in Qatar?  Who are the childrens advocates?  Signs don't work, there needs to be an enforced law!  

http://qataraccidents.org/2011/02/09/deaths-and-violations-by-the-number/

From the above Qatari govt website you can see someone is trying at least.  But it is hard to go against a cultural trend.  

Qatari road rules for the newbie:  

1.  If a car behind you flashes you with head lights, that means,"this is my lane, I don't care that you are going the speed limit, I want to go faster, and you are in my way.  Move."

2.  Flashing green trafic light means put on the breaks so that you won't get a fine of well over $1000 for running a red light.

3.  Be aggressive enough not to get killed, yet defensive enough not to get killed.  Only a mixture will save your life.

4.  Middle lane tends to be the safe lane.

5.  In a round about, the center most lane has the right of way.  As well  as whoever has been in the round about the longest.

6.  Other drivers are not your friends.  The only way to get them to let you in is if you are persistently trying to make eye contact and when they finally cave try to look pitiful and point out the baby in the back seat.  On the contrary, never let someone in.  

7.  Learn the roads, back streets will help you get places faster than the main ones some times.

Oh Qatar.  I made the best friends I ever have made in my life in your country, but there were times when you made me cry.

Expat women, what was the best  and worst from the country you left?  Tell me.  

With love, me

Repatriating back home

Miriam Webster online defines repatriate as "to return to his or her own country"

The expat exchange (expat exchange.com) has some helpful looking articles, but just like moving overseas and moving home it is hard to navigate. It appears they are working of beefing up the site and adding more helpful information, but I don't think they are quite there yet.

As helpful as the above is, my next goal is to read blogs by fellow women expats who have gone home again.  

Expat women home again, what was the most helpful tip you received?  What was the most helpful resource?  

A real Christmas tree

So the appointment with the doctor left us with more questions than answers.  We waiting an hour, for the senior doctor, Dr. Madoff, then when we had more questions he told us he really had to go.  At that point I would have liked to remind him that we waiting an hour for him (not to mention waited some more when he got a phone call in the middle of our visit and took it), but it seemed he might be one of those people that is smart, but doesn't have a lot of social graces.  His PA, Elizabeth, was very kind and was much more helpful than he was and actually took time to show she cared.  I am glad that doctor is not the norm.  Was it arrogance?  Was it that it was two days before thanksgiving?  Was it that something was going on at home?  Maybe his mind was on a sick child.  I don't know.  Hopefully I showed him grace in my response.

I am getting very excited for going "home."  Even though I've never lived there before.  What I am most excited for... A dryer, being settled again, being close to family, living a more outdoorsy life with my little boy.  Not necessarily in that order.

We got a Christmas tree.  A real tree!  We went to a tree farm, went on a hay ride, cut a tree and took it home.  Not a plastic one either!  Woohoo!  I am glad we had our plastic tree in Doha.  It made for a more authentic Christmas, but cold and snow and a real tree make it more real to me.  We need to listen to more carols and do our advent calendar.  We loved the advent calendar we found last year.  I'll put the link at the bottom, or I'll try to figure out the little link thing-er-ma-bob.

I think the hardest thing about repatriating right now is staying in other peoples houses.  So, so, so thankful for them.  But excited to have my own space again soon.

Best thing is staying in other peoples houses.  Love getting to spend so much time with family and friends.  Learning new recipes, seeing more of who they are, playing rook.

Still anxious about how long it may take to have friendships like my friendships in Doha.  I will miss that.

Q's for expat women:  

-how long was your honeymoon stage?  

-what made it all worth it?

Link for advent calander:

http://www.teachingmom.com/features/advent.html

Expat woman home again

I lived in Qatar for four years as a stay at home expat wife.  I loved the community.  Now, I am ending the first of several transition months into our life back home in Big Timber, Montana.  

I just need a place to talk while I make this weird transition, yet one that lots of women before me have made.  I'm sure my experience is not unique, but it is mine.

So many transitions to make.  Right now we are learning to be home with each other (my husband and I).  It is strange him not going to work every day.  We had to create a new routine (which we had to talk about tonight) so that we can connect.  Somehow we've been missing each other more because there is no (correction, was no) defined uses for all this sudden free time.  

I feel like I know how retired people feel.

The reason for months of transition to our new life (other than the obvious) is my husband needs surgery.  It's not for any life threatening reasons, but it is important.  He had tests last week and we meet with the doctor today.  We hope to get answers to lots of questions and perhaps most of all, we hope to get the surgery scheduled.  It will probably be the beginning of January, but it is possible it will be in December.  

Every step we make, I think, this is one step closer to being settled again.  One step closer to making new friends, one step closer to having our own space, one step closer to working again, one step closer.  But I think I also need to value this time for itself too.  That sounds good, but I just want to be home too.  But even when I get home it won't be any home I've ever lived in, it will be another new home.  But I'm excited about that.  

I really want to have a discussion with other expat women home again.  I looked all over and could find no place for a discussion or a place to compare experiences.  

If you are an expat woman, It doesn't mater when you read this, answer the questions if you have time.  

Where were you abroad?  Where is "home again"? What is one of the hardest things about moving home?