At the end of a gun

He held his fingers like a gun to his own chest as he told me was shot at point blank range in the chest.  The "mugger" didn't wait for him to hand over his money, he seemed more interested in beating and shooting him.  The surgeon who put him back together said he should not have lived long enough to get to the OR.  But God decided he was going to live.

There is so much more to his story.  I met M and his wife at my best friend's house before her wedding last week.  We all stayed up late talking about our experiences at the end of a gun.  Dispute his experience being extremely more devastating than my own, it was amazing the shared experiences and feelings we have had.  Seeing "our guy" everywhere, taking to insurance or people wanting a bill paid and how painful that experience can be, panic attacks when you don't feel sacred, and so much more crap.

I feel like God ordained that conversation.  It was so healing to talk for hours with someone with a similar experience.  It was similar to the expat connection, but stronger.  I will be praying for M and his family for the rest of my life.  I hope I get to see them again, but it was a huge gift from God to be able to have that conversation.  It took away some of the pain.  I also feel enabled to share my story now.  I have in the past, but now I feel like God can use my story.  It's not just something I need to get over, get past, but something that makes me who I am and who I am for God.  I have been through a terrible experience and God can use it in more than my life, but others lives.

God make me a servant, faithful and true

Transitioning "home"

I love Big Timber.  We are related to basically everyone in town though.  That could get a bit sticky for my boy in the future.  Everyone is friendly.  It feels nice to be in a community that seems to really care, or at least they care because they know a reputation can be hurt much more easily (or quickly) in a small town.

We go to a Bible preaching church, which happens to be the same one that my Pop's employees go to.  We don't know if they feel awkward that we are there.  I suppose they do, but that's where we are for now, and we think it might be the right fit for us.  I talked with my husband and we talked about how we are Christians first, and Pop's so and daughter-in-law after that.  I think if we give it time, it will work itself out.

I miss my church in Qatar though.  The tight community, my friends, lunch after church every week...  It was a huge church, but never felt like one until the end when we moved to church city.  How are they doing?  I miss them, I want to cry, but I still haven't.  My dear sweet sisters-in-Christ.  How I miss you.  I am so glad we will see each other again in heaven.

I met a lady in the grocery store next town over that was a in Zimbabwe for a number of years.  She said we could get together for coffee.  I think I might have to find her when we get back from the wedding.  I feel in need of a connection to expat life.  Another woman here said we could talk if I ever felt like the one person in Big Timber who wasn't from here.  I get that, but I don't mind it at all yet.

I do feel alone though.  I miss the close friendships, and I know it will take time before I have that again.  God will provide, but I miss my dear sweet friends.  I'm glad I have my work for my Pop.  It gives me some outside purpose other than myself.  I can focus completely on someone else when I am working for him.  It feels good to do that.

I am also visiting at the assisted living here in town.  I love that!  I feel like my boys smiles are a gift to them, and again being able to focus on others is a gift to me.  It is not good for one's world to be too small.  Better to think of others.

I need to remember that in my marriage too!  I feel so selfish sometimes, trying to find time to cook or read or run errands.  I know it isn't, but when I am asking my husband to give up free time, I feel like I need to have a good reason.

So, life is good.

Are you out there?  Are you reading this?  How is your transition home?  Wherever home is?

My boy woke up from his nap.  Better wrap this up.  

We got to Montana after driving for three days on bad roads.  It has never taken that long before.  But we got here and moved into our little Big Timber Villa.  I got to see my pregnant-with-twins sister-in-law.  So wonderful.  And I am so excited for her baby shower!

The next day we went down to Pop's ranch.  We got colded in.  Yeah.  It was so cold our car was over heating.  Figure that one out.  The next morning I went out to the hot tub to watch the sunrise in -32 degree weather.  Amazing.